Build on relationship with trusted adult

6-point support plan

The UK Trauma Council has created a 6-point plan to support school and colleges to identify traumatic bereavement and provide effective support for a child or young person.

You can download the complete traumatic bereavement guide + toolkit, including the 6-point plan, here.


STEP 1 – Build on relationship with trusted adult

A relationship with a trusted adult is crucial to help the child or young person feel safe and supported after a bereavement.

The right trusted adult

This does not have to be a dedicated mental health lead, it is often more helpful if it is a class teacher or another adult in school who the child or young person has a trusted relationship or positive connection with. In some cases, it may be more than one adult. It is important for key adult(s) to be available on a regular basis, prepared for difficult conversations and ready to provide support when the child or young person becomes upset or acts out.

Check in times and safe spaces

The trusted adult should plan regular times to meet with the child or young person. Work out with them what they can do if they need to leave class or the playground (a safe space they can go and a way of contacting the trusted adult if they need support).

Other adults in school check-in

Talk to other teachers and ask that they respond to difficult behaviour in a way that helps the child or young person feel safe, rather than sticking rigidly to behaviour systems. Ask that they share information with the trusted adult when difficulties arise. It is important for trusted adult(s) to model that they are comfortable talking about the death and things they notice about the child or young person. Naming difficult experiences and feelings is not going to make things worse.

Having difficult conversations

Traumatically bereaved children and young people may find it very difficult to have conversations and are more likely to want to avoid reminders. Let them know their feelings are important, even if talking is difficult.


More information and support

Tools & handouts

  • Having sensitive conversations with traumatically bereaved children and young people (PDF)

Videos

Talking with traumatically bereaved children and young people

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A young person’s perspective on support from school

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Animation connection

An illustration of a swimming coach holding a clip board and speaking two three adolescent boys. The boy in middle has the threat system of his brain activated. This is represented with red dots showing on a faint image of a brain drawn on top of his head.
The swim coach speaks to a hypervigilant Jon. We see his brain’s threat system activated (shown in red).

Learn more

Download the complete traumatic bereavement guide for schools and colleges here.

You can find the additional resources to support your learning on our traumatic bereavement resource page. This includes an introductory animation, downloadable guidebook for schools and colleges, explainer videos, and articles on the research.

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